MORMON OFFICIAL CAUGHT EXITING L.A. GAY MASSAGE PARLOR

by Cary Harrison

Yesterday, on the corner of Havenhurst and Santa Monica Blvd. in gay West Hollywood, Stewart, the admitted “right hand” to the Bishop of the Mormon Church, skulked out of the gay Thai Massage parlor–famous for happy endings from its team of giggling twink masseurs. I was having coffee at the neighboring coffee shop when Stewart ejected through the doors, freshly probed and radiant.

He then sat at a neighboring table to yap nervously on an incoming cell call, upright and doughy in his chair–flab and sweat nervously soaking through his t-shirt; moist palms gripping the armwrests. After he’d hung up, he began eavesdropping on the private planning conversation I was having about LA’s burgeoning gay activism. “Stew” said he couldn’t help overhearing and wanted to explain the Mormon position, since we clearly didn’t understand. Meanwhile, behind me sat his shiny new Range Rover which chirped as he remembered to auto-lock its doors. Stew explained that as the “right hand” of the bishop, he was in charge of executing the high ideals of Mormon founder, Joseph Smith (whom history records as notorious for being repeatedly yanked from brothels during a lifetime of sex addiction).

Stew, as he invited me to address him, began with the predicable vomitus of how much he loves his wife and the level of purity with which he conducts his sin-free life. The level of hypocrisy would have been laughable were it not for the unplanned serendipity with which he’d positioned himself in front of my eager scrutiny. Typical of someone who feels guilty and thinks they may have been busted somehow, he began blathering a litany of scriptural nonsense–desperately selling us, no doubt, on his unwavering righteousness–lest his unsavory afternoon dalliances leak back to His Excellency. The sheer hypocrisy of this burlesque was nothing more than gonorrheac Shakespeare.

For 90 minutes I talked to Stew. He declared my being gay was purely a bad choice (much like his choice to get jerked off in a gay massage parlor?). This kind of conscious denial makes it unreal enough to be able to dismiss your OWN behavior as a kind of fleeting whim. In short, if “gay” isn’t really real, then having gay sex can’t be real, either. [Continued after video]

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Stew admitted that on one lonely night after his wife (whom he loves so, so, so, so much!) had retired to bed, he found himself lost while driving around LA–ending up through some Mapquest misfortune, no doubt–in West Hollywood at the gay bar, Rage. He in a red-faced zeal went on and on about how he didn’t know it was a gay bar until some time later. Perhaps after some serious suction of another man’s naughty bits, he may have wiped his chin and formulated the notion that this was a gay bar. We can only assume a similar delay in awareness when applying gauze and Bactine to his freshly aspirated anal gland from the wildly adequate Thai massage.

Here’s my quandary: Stew is hellbent on hammering the gays down to a nubbin, wiping us legally out of existence, and seeing all that we are vanish from the face of the earth. At his high level in the church hierarchy, he has unique access to policy and to the execution church practice. This makes him particularly dangerous–much like Cardinal M. of Los Angeles, who is also said to enjoy the “love that dare not speak its name”. I have Stew’s cell number–an even swap for my business card which makes me now vulnerable to the gnashing teeth of the Mormon church. Do I release this globally as he’s an “official”, responsible for widespread damage and misery, or do I respect his closet, though he’d just emerged with squeaky buttcheeks from a round of adipose hokey-pokey?

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BREAKING: Anti-LGBT Amendment Stripped from Defense Bill

Russell Amendment removed from NDAA after lawmakers received more than 342,000 petition signatures from AMPA and other national organizations

WASHINGTON — Today, the American Military Partner Association (AMPA), the nation’s largest organization of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) military families, praised reports that an amendment was removed from the annual defense bill that could have funded anti-LGBT discrimination.

“Taxpayer-funded discrimination against LGBT people is wrong -- plain and simple,” said AMPA President Ashley Broadway-Mack. “The fact that the defense spending bill was being used in an attempt to fund discrimination against minorities is disturbing. Thousands of LGBT service members put their lives on the line for our nation, and they and their families should never face discrimination here at home simply because of who they are or whom they love. We are pleased that in the end, lawmakers removed the discriminatory measure and fairness and equality seem to have prevailed.”

Known as the Russell Amendment, the measure in the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) could have allowed taxpayer-funded discrimination against women, single mothers, LGBT people, and religious minorities in religiously-affiliated organizations, including hospitals and universities.

As reported by the Washington Blade, “During a background briefing with reporters on Tuesday, an aide said the final version of the fiscal year 2017 defense authorization bill hammered out by House and Senate lawmakers in conference committee lacks the language Rep. Steve Russell (R-Okla.) inserted in the House version of the bill.”

On November 15, AMPA joined more than a dozen national organizations in delivering more than 342,000 petition signatures to Congress in opposition to the amendment. The petitions were delivered to the Washington offices of Sens. John McCain (R-Ariz.) and Jack Reed (D-R.I.) and Reps. Mac Thornberry (R-Texas) and Adam Smith (D-Wash.).

The petitions were part of a coordinated advocacy effort from the American Military Partner Association, American Civil Liberties Union, Americans United for Separation of Church and State, the Center for American Progress Action Fund, the Human Rights Campaign, and other national organizations.

The Russell Amendment could have allowed for an individual:
To be fired for marrying a same-sex partner — or denied benefits afforded to other married couples
To be fired for being transgender
To be fired for being a woman taking birth control
To be fired for being a single mother or
To be refused a job interview if they don’t practice the “right” religion
The Russell Amendment was previously adopted in the dead of night — over bipartisan opposition — without a hearing and with almost no debate. The House Rules Committee then prevented the full chamber from being able to vote on a bipartisan amendment to remove the discriminatory provision from the defense bill.

The American Military Partner Association is the nation’s largest organization of LGBT military spouses, families, and allies. With more than 50,000 members and supporters throughout the country and around the world, AMPA is committed to education, advocacy, and support for our “modern military families.”
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