By Cary Harrison, KPFK Public Radio / HeTravel.com/go

(Hawkes Bay, NZ) Traveling here in New Zealand, we see a different relationship with indigenous people than neighboring Australia. The well-known Australian aboriginals are still largely personae non grata despite technical cultural protections. The lesser-known Māori of New Zealand have a much different relationship with their former colonists. When Australia became settled, vulnerable aboriginals had no defense against British firepower and thin “promises”.

Māori Men in Traditional Makeup

Differently, neighboring New Zealand’s indigenous Māori tribes were considered one of the world’s fiercest warriors and were able successfully to outflank British guns using darts, spears, stone blades, and clever foliage maneuvers, resulting in a long-standing treaty which still holds today.

Stuart, Māori

Stuart, this straight Māori man, here in Picton, New Zealand, is one of the many in NZ’s indigenous multicultural population. He explains to me that the Māori make no distinction between straights and gays. Their word for “gay” is “Pupi” (pronounced Poo-wee), meaning “lovable child”. Think about the definition of their word for gay. It’s very definition is positive and embracing and is given legitimately when the gay child is revealing its truest self.

Māori children were traditionally selected for duties based on aptitude. The ones that fit the warrior model were selected out to travel with the adult men for hunting and defense/offense. The other males demonstrated a keen ability for cooking and weaving and remained with the mothers where it it was understood that this was where they preferred to be. The warriors took off and the Pupi become responsible for the infrastructure and wellness of the culture. Gay Pupi remains completely accepted, not through legislation or forced political correctness, but through common sense and the notion that Nature always has the most sensible plan.

Stuart tells me he has two lesbian sisters and a gay cousin. He also fully understands the mechanics of all sexual attractions, despite his specific interest in women. To him, he’s happy to have found a mate. He says there is no differentiation whatsoever when diverse families visit each other and all mates are treated exactly equally and with no special scrutiny.

In this photo, he sports the Māori Warrior tattoo of the stingray. It is witnessed upon his flesh to defend his culture and protect others, like me, who roam life’s path alongside his. He hugs me goodbye and thanks me for asking questions that, he says, no other white man has asked. In my travels, I have been taught to grow a pair and do more than air-kiss the locals like some impotent zoologist safely staring at specimens behind glass. This is why I particularly love being a part of HE Travel. As a public radio host, photographer, and sociological adventurer, HE has always encouraged deeper exploration of all cultures and the powerful spectrum people of our world.

Cary Harrison’s HE Travel tours can be found at HeTravel.com/go.
@goharrison

By Cary Harrison / @goharrison

image-24My hostesess Airbnb here in not-so rural Lake Geneva, Wisconsin had no plumbing, whatsoever. The converted mosquito-filled garden shed, posing as a “cabin the woods”, contained a geriatrical potty-frame with a single hefty bag hanging where the bowl should be. This—not two feet from the foot of the bed. One is encouraged to use this rig as an open-air in-house outhouse.

image-25

Geriatrical potty with sagging Hefty Bag

I brushed my teeth over her rose beds using bottled water and commercial toothpaste. The gnat-swarming woods were far preferable to squatting over a yawning hefty bag. While checking out today, I asked my Miss Gulch-like AirBnB host how her mother might cope with having to eject her bodily humors into a trash bag, then basking in aromatherapy – wafting from the foot of the bed. My queries were met with a confused set of pursed lips.

Begging for a shower inside the house was another complete and unique exercise. I assured her that my intent was only to perform my Christian ablutions, that The Lord may smile upon my tidy countenance. This, dear friend, is the American voter-turned-amateur-Airbnb hotelier in the new economy; where farmers are now inn-keeps and inn-keeps are farmers.

By Cary Harrison – HEtravel.com/GO

American pharmaceutical advertising excels at remedies for erectile dysfunction, politely referred to on television as E.D.. We have Cialis and Viagra, Levitra, and Stendra. What we don’t have is the “Caribbean Cure”, often available near your quietly docked Caribbean cruise ship. And while this “cure” seems to maintain and even embolden a wobbly or skittish erection, it may not be for everyone. And everyone clearly doesn’t know about it… yet.

You see, the cruise crew buy this (illegal in the USA) “black stone” cure across the Caribbean, where centuries of use have made men like lions when once they were mere timid dribblers. Never having heard of this male sexual performance enhancer, I was skeptical; for surely if such a thing were to exist, big Pharma would certainly have a “Cialis Black” on the market. Imagine dilating the penile capillaries while simultaneously de-sensitizing the hardened encasement. This would be the Pharma stock of the decade. An Obama-era legacy to trump Trump’s unfolding purported sexual conquests. But there is no such “cure”… officially, anyway.

Floating city of secrets

In fine maritime tradition, there is always practical wisdom from our seafaring friends. Unlike the passengers, the crew pick up tricks and life hacks which generally fall unnoticed, as do the thousands of male crew after 10 PM. They all vanish into the midsection of the ship which contains modest crew cabins: four bunks to a 300 square-foot cabin. In those tight confines, the wisdom of the world is freely exchanged in traditional male camaraderie.

My cabin steward, Bosco, shared this mystical male arousal remedy with me after I observed the crew sneaking back aboard around 2:30 am during an overnight port stay in the Dominican Republic. Their expressions were sloppy with smug looks of satisfaction. Turns out, that a mere half mile from the dock was a small village with 100 girl$ who coincidentally arrived en masse each time these ships would dock. For $35-50, you were assured a fine bottle of local rum, a premium Dominican cigar, and a glorious companion for a range of limitless exploration.

 

Bosco asked for my professional assessment of what he called his “black stone”. He unfurled his fingers, exposing a half-inch, pumice-looking square object. This small square, resembling a tiny piece of rotten fudge, was the result of a compressed island tree sap and poisonous Bufo toad venom.

“Black Stone”

 

The centuries-old male enhancement stone has been used by Caribbean Islanders and British sailers since the slave-trading days, when the recipe is said to have come from an analogous sources in Africa. While the exact tree from which the sap is derived remains an unspecified species, the toad venom has some public history.

Bufo Toad

Neighboring Florida has seen recent outbreaks of what they call “Bufo Toad Season”. From Miami to Tampa Bay, authorities have cautioned pet owners to be wary of giant poisonous toads, weighing in at more than 2 pounds. As comical as that sounds, their “porata” neck glands manufacture and secrete a venom (bufadienolide) so pernicious that it will turn a sniffing dog’s gums brick red, cause wild salivation and heart arrhythmia, and toss poor Fido into paralytic seizures.

What about humans? I reached out to Sweden’s famed Huddinge Hospital and spoke with intensive care cardio nurse, Alexander Gullander, who recommended against any sort of dalliance with a 2 pound toad: “Each person reacts differently to the toad venom, depending on person’s weight or heart condition; not to mention – interactions with other medications a person might be taking.”

And it is this numbing venom that performs the magical trick as a penile performance enhancer (or PPE) – in small amounts. The tree sap acts as the molasses to glue together this perverse pancake of parturient possibility.

The method:

  • According to our man, Bosco, you first retract your foreskin. (I guess this leaves me out of the equation). You then gently rub the stone upon your glistening glans for 10 seconds.
  •  Within 10 to 15 minutes, what used to feel like a penis now feels like a boiled hot dog. External sensation is reduced to nil with a sort of tingling numbness that he says is actually erotic and could be termed, medically, as a “playful erection”.
  • He severely cautions patience and says the 10 second treatment is the limit and that the impatient dilettante may risk a swollen, bright red phallus as a result of the non-immediate results following the stone’s initial application. The phallus could, theoretically, mimic the pink missile-like tone of an eroticized springer spaniel in mid April. Further, the glans (head) of the penis is a mucous membrane and, as such, will rapidly absorb anything rubbed into it, right into the bloodstream, dosage be damned. In that region of the body, only a suppository is quicker.
  • And that leads us to the next caution. Ingestion of this aphrodisiac – whether by mouth or rump – will be curtains. UC Irvine, in conservative Orange County California, issued a health warning against the use of this illegal Black Stone. The publication’s location and warning may be more revealing about the demographics of the users than intended for the purpose of this travel article. Nevertheless, turns out, a 39-year-old New York man ate or fanny-thrust the small cube and mimicked our poor seizing, salivating Shih Tzu all the way to the finish line. As there is no proper dose for eating this business or introducing it up one’s backside, best to adhere to Bosco’s simple 10 second tried-and-true topical method.

(Bosco observed that only an American would actually eat this foul cube as he simultaneously noted how several trays of brownies are routinely inhaled off the cruise buffet, typically within 15 minutes of their delivery.)

eBay lists the non-FDA approved, illegal cubes at around $39 per. The item can last several months’ repeated application while ensuring you will last “up to four hours”. It’s worthy ofmention that a four hour boner is considered a priapism and is classified as a medical emergency. Common treatments often include aspirating – or draining the blood from what, at that point, clearly resembles an angry rhubarb.

But, what of women? According to a recent survey by Guardian US Data, only 62% of women actually achieve orgasm through their male counterparts, so numbing and paralysis would clearly be disastrously counterproductive. (Remarkably in the same survey, 75% of women sleeping with other women say they orgasm). Additionally, cruise ships generally sport an all-male crew, fastidiously segregated from an almost non-existent female upstairs wait staff.

US companies tend to employ people from former US territories or colonies (Philippines). Likewise, UK shipping lines prefer the same model (India). And it was on this UK-based cruise line where the Crown’s well-known nautical curiosities found their way into this story — a maritime wisdom made historically famous by oceans speckled with British seamen.

You can join Cary Harrison on an assortment of real travel adventures from whitewater rafting in the Grand Canyon to cultural tours through Cuba. You can also enter to win trips and prizes at HeTravel.com/go

@goharrison

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